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EVERY TIME I GET REMINDED THAT CHUCK NORRIS IS A TWAT, I WONDER WHY WE’RE NOT MAKING THOSE JOKES ABOUT SOMEONE WHO’S ACTUALLY COOL

nuderefsarebest:

drtanner:

Like Idris Elba, for example. I can’t think of a single Chuck Norris joke that couldn’t be far better applied to Idris Elba.

  • THERE USED TO BE A STREET NAMED AFTER IDRIS ELBA BUT THEY HAD TO RENAME IT BECAUSE NO ONE CROSSES IDRIS ELBA AND LIVES.
  • IDRIS ELBA AND SUPERMAN ONCE FOUGHT EACH OTHER FOR A BET. THE LOSER HAD TO START WEARING HIS UNDERWEAR ON THE OUTSIDE OF HIS PANTS.
  • SOME MAGICIANS CAN WALK ON WATER. IDRIS ELBA CAN SWIM THROUGH LAND.
  • IDRIS ELBA CAN SLAM A REVOLVING DOOR.
  • DEATH ONCE HAD A NEAR-IDRIS ELBA EXPERIENCE.
  • IDRIS ELBA IS IMMUNE TO HEART ATTACKS. HIS HEART ISN’T NEARLY FOOLISH ENOUGH TO ATTACK HIM.
  • IDRIS ELBA CAN WIN A GAME OF CONNECT FOUR IN THREE MOVES.
  • WHEN IDRIS ELBA DOES A PRESS-UP, HE ISN’T LIFTING HIMSELF UP. HE’S PUSHING THE EARTH DOWN.

Try to tell me this shit isn’t better with Idris Elba.

You can’t. Because it is.

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My go-to person for these kinds of jokes is Vin Diesel, usually.